Leaving the Quarter Life Crisis

You know you’ve grown up a lot when you read your writing that must be about two years old, and the first thing that pops into your mind is: “Oh my God. I’m an idiot.” Looking back at my old words, I see a kid who was half-terrified, half-excited, and eager to see what the world was like beyond the home territory.

I think it’s a reasonable fear to reach 30 years old and feel like you haven’t done much with your life, and I’ve seen it manifested enough to know exactly what I don’t want to be, six years from now. I’ve observed that people who are bitter end up more materialistic and nitpick on the pettiest of things. They are obsessed with making sure that they do not end up with the shorter end of the stick. They become close-minded, ensuring that their opinions will be the loudest and therefore the accepted, hanging on to hot air because that’s the only thing they have. They end up being nosy, listening to other people’s conversations and make sure that they know what everyone else is doing instead of concentrating on their work.

I think the most important thing I learned in the past two years is that in whatever you do with your life, it should be based on something solid that you can bring. To have nothing else but good intentions isn’t enough; I think it’s better to have a concrete vision of what you want to do, and have visible output to back it up – to do what brings you joy and what is based on actual talent. Looking back, I wanted a Ph.D. for the wrong reasons -- I thought that it would make me something I was not.

Second to this is the realization that how you do something is just as important as what you do, or possibly more. I think what ultimately got me was being so enthusiastic about working with all these famous scientists whose work I read about, then meeting them and realizing that “Oh lord, you’re a jerk. I can’t believe I wanted to meet you. Crap.” But such is the case for most professions when you end up in the wrong places.

I’m traumatized enough by bitter angsty people that I mostly hang out with creative people now, and avoid those who base their life’s work on empty blabber. I’ve observed that creative people are the happiest and the most independent bunch, because they have something tangible that only they can make. It is their take on life the way no one else can replicate, and because of this stake of authorship, they can confidently move on with life knowing that they can do something worthwhile. The hubris of man entails the desire to matter, to know that one lived and the world was the better for it.

I’m happy that I am able to laugh about what I’ve often referred to as the Incredibly Horrific Yet Oddly Hilarious Scientific Nightmare. Years ago, I would have flipped out irreversibly when something that was Not In The Plan would transpire. In another life, it would be downright humiliating to be shunned by the herd. Now, I am ecstatic! Whee! I’m not afraid of what conservative people may think! I finally have my own voice! I can now be original! I finally have an actual shot at succeeding in life! Yipee!

I hope this new perspective in life is really what the point was of traveling halfway around the world, starting life from scratch and enduring horrible 24-hour international flights, breaking out in adult acne thousands of feet above the ocean.

A (Semi)-Rhyming Prayer from One Who Went Through Her Quarter Life Crisis before Her Quarter Life:

Please God, do not let me be a bitter power-tripping person pushing 30 with manic obsessive tendencies and bad skin. Please help me maintain my joy and hyperactivity in whatever environment I’m in. Please don’t let me crack under pressure, or act like a prick when seeking tenure.

And above all, please don’t ask me to be a doctor or a lawyer.

Amen and namaste!