The First 60 Days

So it’s been a while since this official break-up with cancer research and I am still stunned. It’s like getting hit by a truck and learning, much later, that I’m still alive. But the Pipette Itch is slowly but surely subsiding, and I am really glad that the era of lab coats is so over. My petri dishes have been replaced with sketchbooks; my beakers with acid-free portfolios. The only other person that comes to mind who has done this much self-reinvention is Madonna.

I guess when one comes out of what she perceives is her biggest failure, she will do everything in her power to make up for it. I’ve gone through a big slice of my Strategic Plan (I had to submit one before I got here) and it’s only been a few weeks. It has become clear to me that the past couple of months have been of atonement, of reassuring myself that this was not a mistake, that I am finally doing what I am supposed to do at this point in time. It is a bit like making up for lost time, since I was so unproductive yet exhausted for a year in the Lab from Hell. To slack off at this point would only prove them right.

I’ve often wondered why I chose the lab in the first place, when creativity is something that came naturally. I guess I thought that science was more original than it is now. I believed that I would be able to do something far more inspired when I chose research over the typical medical school track, which I’ve often viewed as a box. Instead, I ended up jumping from one box to the next. The ivory tower of the academe is still a box, only bigger yet oddly with less space.

I like to think that my time in science served as a phase to toughen me up, such that almost everything else is a walk in the park. Nicholas Kristof of the New York Times once said that “One of the best preparations of life is a strong dose of humility.” Man, is that ever true. When you think you know where you’re going, then the path shifts unexpectedly, the feeling of enlightenment is incomparable. It makes you release all inhibitions and just take whatever added challenges that come your way. Hell, everything else went to blazes, what’s another bonfire?

Here at WYA, I keep asking for more work, and repetitively ask, perhaps to their consternation, if there’s anything they’re displeased with. I’ve become less afraid of criticism. “Trust me, you guys cannot do anything to me that they haven’t done to me already.”

There are times when I feel the need to slow down. Once, after a long Sunday of art class boot camp and yoga, I accidentally tossed my iPod into the laundry. Miraculously, it’s still ok. (If this happens to you, don’t panic. Let it dry, then charge it again.)

When I’m meeting Mary (WYA Prez), I would bluntly ask her, “Are you sure I’m working hard enough? Because I’m really not dying here.” They respect my desire for balance, and I am relieved that I don’t have to feel apologetic every time taekwondo hour draws near and I run off because I don’t want to do extra push-ups. I’m glad I can live my life without having to apologize for it.

I’m a bit disconcerted that I am labeled as the creative one here, mainly because I’ve been the scientific geek all my life. It’s just weird. Everything I’ve done here so far, I’ve done without much strategizing or long hours of brainstorming; I just do them. It’s fun. They seem happy with it so far. I think I’m mainly disturbed by the fact that they appreciate what I do, which didn’t really happen when I was in science.

I’m also wondering whether I’m having way too much fun here. As I write this, Phil, our IDO is on the phone, working on some financial project that has been going on for more than week now. Behind me is Maria, our Director of Development, who is busy meeting deadlines and following up her fundraising events. Meanwhile, I am busy tweaking my sketches on Adobe Illustrator, learning how to draw cartoon hands and wondering if my African cartoon character would look better if I painted her skin Cappuccino.

It feels a bit funny to live and work with the same people in the same place. On the positive side, I get a lot of cardio in this house. I am finally building my upper body strength the way taekwondo doesn’t do, for the simple reason that it takes all my energy to launch my ass up to the top bunk of the bed. Bulging biceps, here I come.

The people all think I’m nuts here. And liberated, too. I’ve been voted Most Likely to Do Co-Ed Naked Yoga over and over again, perhaps due to the combination of my sarcasm, yogic lifestyle, and interest in Gael Garcia Bernal’s films. This is very refreshing, considering that people thought I was going to be a nun back in high school.

The people here have to control me sometimes, because I am just way too happy for a normal person. I freaked out our entire executive board with my Extremely Exuberant E-mail (see the inaugural entry of this blog); Mary had to do some serious damage control. (I know they are traumatized, and trust me, so am I.) In another lifetime, however, I would be completely mortified, but now, it just makes perfect sense:

Only I can freak out the entire executive board of an international organization that represents a million people on the first week on the job.

I’m sure the fact that this has happened before doesn’t ease their worries.