The Sunshine Post #13

Hello dears!

My weekend rocked, you guys! So many things to tell, but let’s do this one post at a time.

Saturday: My first formal Adobe class. I’m largely – no, make that completely – self-taught, but I decided to see what a classroom setting will bring me instead of me pressing buttons and seeing what they will do. And ohmigod. I have not known joy like this since the first time I held my nunchucks. That time, I was so depressed in graduate school but learning how to use them made me snap out of it like that. It was the same this Saturday. Wheee!!!!! Eee!!!!!! I am happy again! This since I found out that:

Adobe Illustrator CS3 is the best thing since Luna bars!

It can complement colors! It can do 3-D shapes! I think I just died. I was palpitating like there was no tomorrow. IT HAS ALL THE PANTONE COLORS IN THE SWATCH LIBRARY IN DIFFERENT PAPER STOCKS!!!!

Whee! I love it I love it I love it I am back I Am Me Again!

(I am bouncing around so much, I can’t stand myself.)

My teacher is a graphic designer and is formerly a physical therapist. Filipino-Chinese, also the eldest, family gave him hell when he left medicine. Hello, he sounds just like me! Give me a few more days to pick his brain and yes! I have another ally! I might ask him to help me with my design manual. (Mary, you were right. I have no shame at all. But I make up for it with healthy baked goods.)

Looking back, I think the things that gave me the most joy were those times where I discovered something new, or when I pushed myself beyond what I thought I could do. It’s like a child realizing that he can walk on two feet by himself, instead of having his parents hold him by the hand. Winning, by contrast, only gave me … oh I don’t know, relief, I guess, that I satisfied other people and maintained what they thought of me. It felt so false.

Ten years ago, I used to be one of those people who felt validated only when I was stressed out or frustrated at the silliest of things. But over time, I’ve met people who were so much more than that and who I didn’t have much admiration for. They only had degrees that meant nothing to themselves and published papers that no one interesting would read. I guess I become allergic to people who were just so voluntarily self-destructive. Ugh. Get over yourselves. You’re not that important.

I think that’s the reason why I’m happy most of the time now. Happiness is my way of giving the finger to negative elements that be. Things may not go my way, or I may be with people I don’t like, but I have learned to play with the cards that I am dealt with and be the player at the poker table that gets the most exciting round. To be happy is a choice. I think that’s the one thing I learned while being in a place where smiles were rare, and in a city where we may have every material luxury available but no soul. I learned the hard way that to attain your goals with joy and integrity is doubly victorious. How you got there is more important that actually getting there; the only thing worse than failure is questionable success.


Lots of love,
Cathy

P.S. Eww, you guys. I think I accidentally ate bread mold the other day. Bleh.